The day of the recital at the ballet school I attended, despite my insistence that he come, Mao didn’t show up. While on stage, my eyes were fixated on the audience. And being so distracted, my feet tripped up my classmates and made a mess of the performance. I went home completely dejected, only to find Mao waiting in front of my house. 

“Mao, why didn’t you come today?” I demanded as I ran up the steps to him. Mao replied with, “Well, you know…” What was that supposed to mean? 

“More importantly, look at this.” Mao showed me the inside of the white plastic bag he was holding. What was supposed to be more important?

Read More

Listen, sweetheart. Tonight, I feel there’s so much I need to talk to you about. It’s strange, isn’t it? For all we know, I could be joining you as soon as tomorrow.

Today, our son’s getting married. His fiancee is too good for the fool. She’s got a big heart and a good head on her shoulders. Like father, like son, they say. Actually, she reminds me a little of you.

They both seem happy. Just like we were at their age. But even so, I really am an awful parent. I just can’t…accept it.

I bet you want to say I’m being silly. They’re starting a whole new life. So much to look forward to…And yet, to have it be stolen away like this… there’s no way I can accept that.

…But I know. No matter what I think about it, I have to give them my blessing. After all, I’ll be the only one at the ceremony to congratulate them.

I know. I know it’s wrong to think this way….but I just can’t help…

Are you listening up there? If you…If you were alive…do you think you’d be able to smile and wish them well with a clear conscience?

We got the green light, Dad. They said we were free to use it. 

Is that so?

Yeah, look. They even gave me the key to the chapel.

…This is okay with you?

I know the hotel staff already said they wanted to spend their last moments on their own. And I doubt we’ll have any guests…

Well, I expected as much, but all the same…

Trust me, it’ll be fine. Just you, me and her. The three of us is all we need. Oh, I almost forgot! Sorry to ask you this, Dad, but could you tell her that we can hold the ceremony?

You want me to do it?

You know how it goes. It’s bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding. It’s a tradition. I’m sorry to pull this on you, but I’d really appreciate it.

…All right, then. 

Thanks, Dad…Heh, I owe you one. 

You little rascal. Now you’re making me blush. 

I’m sorry.

I hope you get this, Mom.

I wanted to apologize to you for so long.

This might not ever reach you, but I’m sorry for what I did.

It’s all my fault.

It was a lie, so please smile and say it’s okay.

If we survive this, I’ll apologize in person, so please forgive me. 

I’m going home now, but this is a memo for when the end comes.

If someone else sees this, please tell my mom for me if you can.

I’m sorry for being selfish about this, but please.

I don’t want to die.

I don’t want to die yet.